Monday, June 6, 2011

What's on your mind?

This is the question that facebook is constantly asking. Imagine if we actually answered honestly! Surely the result would be horrible.
'We hate scraping breakfast remains out of the kitchen sink......we wish we were still with our ex, we wish our parents would die so that we could pay off the mortgage, we must get the washing in off the line before the downpour.'
Some people do post washing and folding details on facebook and if anyone actually does post honest or meaningful, the cringe is tangible.
I hate facebook.
Within days of joining it was the catalyst for a ruction between myself and one of my oldest and dearest friends. It is not a safe place.
In fact she is on my mind. I'm sure the hiatis is not permanent but it is disturbing.
I don't like feeling like I'm locked out and I feel that she has locked me out.
This is the thing..........I have a sense of relief as well because I get the feeling that big stuff is going down with her, and I don't know if I'm really equal to the challenge of dealing with her while she is in a state of  anxiety. Another part of me is worried about her and thinks that maybe I'm someone who could support her if she would allow me to, and here lies the crux.
I want to say to her that the fortress we build to keep danger out becomes our prison, with fear as the gaoler.
If only I could send that to her as a message of love, not of criticism, but to her heart, not as words but as knowledge.
I would also want her to know that understanding is not always about being able to relate or compare details but about compassion.
If someone loves you often that is all that can be done.